Treat everyone with politeness and kindness, not because they are nice, but because you are.
Roy T. Bennett
Lately we have been having a lot of talks about little kids not wanting to be friends or play with one another. You know, all the normal little 3- 6 year old comments. All of this is completely normal behavior, but we want our kids to remember that even though this person or people say they don’t want to be friends it doesn’t mean that you can not be nice to them.
I grew up with the quote of “Kill them with kindness” or “Be happy. It drives people crazy.”!
I took that advice when I was growing up and I had friends in most of my classmates. Sure there was arguments here and there, but most the time I was in the middle of the pack when it came to “popularity”in school. I was never really bullied, or shunned, or teased too much. (Also I had an older brother that would kick butt if I was in trouble, or dating the wrong sort of boy. LOL. Thanks Brother!)
All that in mind I would like my kids to do the same and just be nice and kind to everyone. Even if they are being teased or the person does not want to play with them for some reason.
In my mind when someone is being mean, that means they are dealing with something that they do not want too. They would rather just put hurt on someone else than feel the hurt they have inside.
We are all dealing with our own issues and sometimes for kids its problems at home, or with grades, or feeling inadequate. These can make them lash out on others. This is their preservation mechanism.
Look at your own behavior. If you are not feeling well, do you always have a smile on and greet all with a cheerful word? Probably not as much as when you feel well right. How about after you have had a disagreement with someone. Do you have a sour attitude to others at times and take your anger out on others not involved? Yup that’s right, we as adults do it too!
So how can we help our littles to understand that there are times that other people unfortunately take their feelings out on someone that has nothing to do with why they are hurting.
First I feel that we need to teach our kids how to come back to calm. When they are in a situation that is stressful, they will get worked up. Which is completely normal, but to really know what to do next they need to come back to calm ,so that they do not make things worse by throwing more toxic words into the mix. Taking deep breaths can help, and getting away from the situation for a bit so they can come back with a better response.
Second I feel that we need to let our kids know that they are not alone in feeling upset if they are teased, or not included. They have every right to be upset, and they should tell someone about it. Even if they just pray and tell God. But if they are truly being bullied, they need to tell an adult. That this is not ok, and the children that are doing the bulling need help to feel better inside, so that they can stop bullying.
Finally, we need to let our kids talk to us about things that they do not feel ok with. If they are upset about a situation, let them talk it out and try to help them come to a conclusion that is appropriate on how to deal with it. Let them know you are always here to talk to, and that you love them unconditionally! Make sure to not let them feel that they are being wrong in how they are feeling. Let’s teach them that feelings are normal, and we just need to learn how to deal with these feelings in a healthy way.
“But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.” – Luke 6:27-28
Let’s let kindness become the new way to deal with anger and bulling. Let’s help these kids to understand that by spreading love and kindness, they can change those around them for the good.
-Kristy