Inspiration instead of Comparison

The Lord is my Shepard, I shall not want.

Psalm 23:1

I wanna talk today about comparison. We are all quilty of this in some sort of way. Maybe you saw that nice car that your neighbor got and thought to yourself that you must be doing something wrong. Maybe you saw a Mama out with her kids and they were being really good walking next to her, while your kids are running a muck through the puddles and into the mud.

Listen, I struggle with comparison too. As a Mama I feel that we are always comparing our kids and parenting skills to those around us.

We have had play dates before that I thought – wow your kids are so much more advanced than my own in a certain skill. The first thing that came to my mind- I must be doing something wrong. In reality my friend’s father works with her youngest most days and that’s how the child is so much further along with that skill than mine.

Why do we do this? Why is the first thing that I and I’m sure most Mamas think about is that we are doing something wrong, or that we are not as good as another Mama?Why do we keep putting ourselves down?

This goes back to our Christian beginning, if you look in the Bible there are so many stories of jealousy and comparison. This has been something that people have struggled with for so long.

How can we break this?

One suggestion I found really helpful is to make your comparison an inspiration. Instead of walking away with anger and jealousy, you can let the comparison inspire you to try a new technique with your children, or know that if that Mom can do it, so can you!

For example say you see that a child can write their name at a young age. Instead of seeing this as a failure of your parenting for your own child, make it an inspiration. Because you see that other child can write their name at a young age, maybe you can teach your child to do this too.

Oh and instead of just walking away frustrated by the comparison, I want you to try telling that Mama that you are comparing yourself too, tell her how awesome she is doing.

Let’s cheer each other on. Motherhood is hard enough. Let’s stop comparing. I want to look at another Mama that I think has everything together and probably never looses her cool, and say “Wow Mama you are crushing this!!” Without feeling in superior and I want to mean this with all my heart! I want to cheer them on, because you all know that even if you are the most amazing Mama out there, there is going to be some times when you think, you’re probably the worst.

Kids don’t come with instruction manuals, and Mamas don’t get union breaks. We are human and it’s ok to have times of feeling that we have failed. Whether you prayed for so long for a child, had an oppsy moment, or came to have a child in any other way, you are not a bad mom nor are you not grateful for the beautiful gift of that child just because you are frustrated, feel inadequate, or just down right feel at the end of your rope.

I struggled to get pregnant. With our first we tried for 4.5 years. This was not without lots of heartache, praying, and so so so much comparison and jealousy. I went through many friends getting pregnant after only just being married, sisters being pregnant, and so many more perfect announcements. To say that I was anything but heartbroken, jealous, elated, and confused about every one of those announcements would be putting it lightly. I would cry for so long asking God why do they get children and I do not. What did I do wrong that they have done right. This is one part of my life that I can look back on and still feel the intense pain in my heart, that wanting what others had so badly.

Going through that season of my life with my amazing husband by my side, made our relationship so strong and beautiful. When I started to compare our lives to others, he would help me realize how amazing our life was. I started to shift my thoughts from jealousy and comparison to love for those family members, friends and their beautiful gifts from God. I started to understand that God will provide when the time is right for our lives and for His plan. Was it all rainbows and butterfly’s after that… well no.. this is reality after all.

There was a lot of unknowns about whether we could have children, some misadvised advice, and more heartache. We continued to pray and love life while being in a hard season, and eventually God answered our prayers and our sweet girl was on her way.

Going through all that comparison back then, made me realize that we need to inspire each other instead of bring each other down. To love our lives right now, and not think that “if only I had”. I have worked on this for a long time, and still find that I need work with comparisons. We are human after all. Remember that everyone, including you needs Grace, and ALOT of it!!

I challenge you in this summer time season of everyone having that amazing family vacation photo where everyone looks so happy and well put together! Instead of reflecting back on you and how you don’t have a picture close to that… ok I have a picture of my children covered in mud…. Super winning over here LOL… I want you to stop your thoughts of comparison and jealousy, and instead change it to an inspirational moment for you. Find what you think is perfect in the photo, or what you are jealous about and apply this inspiration to your own family. Also remember that all those photos can be air brushed, edited, and cropped. Cheer on that Mama that has that perfect photo! Maybe that was the only thing that went right for their trip.

Be kind to one another, cheer each other on Mamas! It will be a much better time if we all did!

You got this!! I believe in you!

-Kristy