Lately I have had the question of how do I help my 3 year old with his anger. See, I had a girl first and she had anger too ,but not anything I could not figure out. My boy has been a challenge lately with his anger. He is quick to hitting, throwing things , yelling, and just being naughty when he does not get what he wants, or if sister takes a toy he wants to play with.
So we have tried all the usual things that worked with our daughter. Trying a calm voice, talking to him about why it’s wrong, sending him to his room, having a time out, getting upset with him, and even a little pat on the butt when he really does wrong. (All the time trying to stay calm myself)Here’s the thing, all of those worked with our girl, but not with him. I have to really fight to get him to listen most the time. Even with simple things of telling him to not touch, not stand on the coffee table, just really anything. (Some days I feel I am going nuts)
So I have made this my mission of figuring out what is going to work for him. We do not like getting upset with him, and really feel terrible when he is more upset because we have sent him to his room. I have started to do some research on other ways to help him with anger management, and pray that I find something that makes him feel more calm and relaxed. I know that with the second child sometimes parents have a harder time with acting out also. I will keep this all in mind as I move forward.
Things to try per the research I have found
One article says to teach your children how to spot signs of anger such as their heart beating faster, muscles becoming tense, and clenching of their teeth. This helps children to know how to respond when they know the signs. They are able to start their calm down plan before they’re too overwhelmed by their anger. Another article states to make a visual aid of a thermometer and put either colors or number on the thermometer. When the child gets angry, take them to the thermometer and have them rate their anger. After figuring out their level of anger you can help them to start calming down, let them see how angry they are can help them, and remind them of the consequences of their actions when they are angry.
Teaching them the words of emotions and really using the words as signals is another tactic. Having a calm down plan was discussed in another article, along with a calm down kit. This kit can have calming things such as music, a favorite book, coloring pages, or even going the other way and putting things in it to help them take their anger out on could help. One tip I got was to have an area that they can go to where they can rip paper. Other tips include limiting or avoiding violent media, following through with consequences every time, have the kids clench and unclench their fists, slow deep breathes, walking away , and count to 10 are other tips that may help.
I will list all the websites I have found at the bottom for your own knowledge.
Conclusion
Whatever you decide to try or do to help your kids with their anger, do it all with love and understanding. I have no idea yet what is going to work for our family and little man, but I know that whatever we do, we will always do it with good intentions and love.
Please also remember to check yourself at times too. Take deep breathes, talk to other Mamas, take sometime for yourself when you get overwhelmed. We can not help our children with these concerns if we can not help ourselves. The kids catch more of what you show them ,then what you say.
Pray for understanding, strength, the right words, calm, and gentleness with your littles and for other parents. You got this!
-Kristy
Websites- www.nhs.uk, www.apa.org, www.very well family.com, www.very special tales.com