Teaching Moments

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it.

 Proverbs 22:6

Every day, we as parents are teaching our children something. Things that we want them to learn and others that we really could do without. (insert foot in mouth..lol) Every conversation we have with them is a chance to teach them something. I learned this again the other day with my kind, and sweet daughter. We need to remember this quote that I love – 

“Children must be taught how to think. Not what to think.” – Margaret Mead

Lets set the scene .. So after picking up my daughter from school, I thought how fun it would be to take the kids and go get pumpkins. Yeah Fall!!!!  So, we went to a local place we love (Cedar Ridge | Clarksville IA | Facebook) and they got to pick out some pumpkins, and got to play with a puppy! Bonus! When it was time to leave, they really did not want to go (go figure) and as usual I told them to take a breath and reminded them that we were going to watch a movie when we got home and how much fun that was going to be… mostly trying to redirect their minds. 

The discussion

We were not a mile down the road when my daughter, age 5 and I had this discussion- (insert sassy tone from her) 

Daughter: You need to be a better mom!

 I can tell you now .. there were instant tears in my eyes. Talk about a stab to the heart. I took a long deep breath.

Me: What do you mean? 

Daughter: You must not have heard them at church(who knows what shes referring to), that they said you need to be a better mom!

 I took many more breaths and thought for a long second.

Me:  How can I be a better mom?

Daughter: Well you never buy us candy (false) , and you never buy us toys (false).

Me: You know hunny, I buy you guys candy and toys quite a bit. What else makes you feel I should be a better mom?

Daughter: You don’t buy us the toys that turn on.

Me: Dear, we have multiple ones at home that turn on. 

Daughter: My friends at school have much cooler toys and their moms buy them the ones that are electronic and I think that you need to buy them for me. (All the while she is yelling and being sassy. 5 year olds know everything!)

The only thing I can tell her at this point is that if she is going to start to compare her things to her friends, she will never be happy with what she has and I left it at that. We changed the subject and I let it go for now. 

Lessons

We had a fun night but it was still bothering me. So when I went to put her to bed that night I asked her if she remembered the conversation from earlier , she did. I asked if she was trying to make me feel bad, and feel that I was a bad mom. She looked at me with confusion and said no, and then started to pout a little. I told her that the way she was talking to me and the words that she said to me, really made me feel very sad. She was still pouting, and I asked her if she remembered what she had told me. She could remember a little bit, the fact that she told me I need to be a better mom. I asked her, if I told you that you need to be a better daughter would that hurt your feelings? She said yes. 

I asked how she feels when her friends come over and ride her horse , or have fun on the property. She said she liked that a lot and really loves to ride her horse, and show her friends her horse. So I told my sweet girl, if mom and dad buy you all that electronic (turn on) stuff and more toys, then you would not get to have your horse, or your fun yard, your chickens, cats, or dog. We would not be able to go on all the fun trips that you love too. Everything costs money and I know that’s hard to understand, but mom and dad really want you and your brother to grow up with animals and play outside in the sun. I let her know the best part about her friends having those cool toys is that she can play with them too when they’re together, and they can play with our animals. I know money is a hard subject for people and especially parents to teach their kids that .. no they can not have everything that they plead for. But we feel it is so important to start talking about money when they are young, not as something bad, but telling them that we choose where our money goes, and what we want to spend it on.

We talked about how sometimes we need to think about what we are going to say before we say it. If what you are going to say is going to make the person upset, make sure that’s really what you are wanting to do. I told her that all people have to learn to do this, and sometimes when we are angry we need to take a breath and think about it longer. Ultimately she is a kind soul and she apologized with lots of love.  I know the lessons are hard for a 5 year old to grasp, but just putting this little nugget of thought in her brain is all I want to do. 

Conclusion

Kids really do understand way more than we give them credit for most of the time. Even if you have to tell them this lesson 10 times more in the next year, at least you are building a good foundation for respect for others. You are also teaching them empathy and compassion. I feel like instead of telling our kids that they are being mean or disrespectful and getting upset, we need to tell them the more complicated reasons at times and teach them why they should think first and then speak. Today and everyday I pray for wisdom and patience with the kids, that I will make the right choices for both kids and me.

-Kristy

“My children will only be as disciplined with their emotions as I am with mine” – Courtney Joseph